Monday, July 23, 2012

What can you learn from this extract from Jayden's writing?

I dropped my bag on the floor and dialled my mother's number.

"Come on, Mom. Pick up the phone. Come on," I said, feeling anxious.

I almost wanted to end the call when I heard voices. I was safe as my mother had picked up the phone.

"Hello mom. Where are you? There is a woman who claims that you are her friend. In her twenties," I said, in a rush.

"Are you alright? Don't follow her. She may have ill intentions. I will be reaching in five minutes. I went to the market and have forgotten about the time. Don't go so close to the woman, understand?" she said, her voice filled with concern.

1 comment:

  1. Paragraphing for the speeches. Did not just say 'I said' or 'I asked' but used 'I said, feeling anxious', 'I said, in a rush.' and 'she said, her voice filled with concern.'.

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