Saturday, July 7, 2012

'Cherish Our Precious Ones' by Megan

This story is about my father. My family has a track record of heart problems. My grandfather and my uncles are heart attack victims; they had died such sudden deaths with little warning signs. My father is not spared. Though he exercised regularly, he did not believe in eating healthily and swore would never give up coke despite our advice.

The magnificent evening sky was iridescent, with the colours changing constantly as the sun moved towards the horizon. I was jogging along East Coast Park with my forty-two-year old father on that Friday evening. He was in front of me, too fast for me to catch up and I was panting like a dog!

I did not mind. He was fit and strong but I was as skinny as a skeleton. I could not run fast as I seldom exercise and had spent most of my time buried under a pile of books.

Out of the blue, my father stopped, bent over and began to clutch his chest with his hands. I almost knocked him over from behind. I was curious and asked him what the matter was. His face turned pale and he could not answer me. His body was trembling uncontrollably and he was coughing incessantly. He opened his mouth wide and started to gasp for air.

Beads of perspiration formed on his forehead. Before I knew it, he collapsed on the floor. Panic engulfed me.

I shouted 'DAD!' and started shaking his body violently. His body felt so cold. I tried not to cry. I told myself to stay calm and think of what I should do.

Without second thoughts, I whipped out my mobile phone and dialled for the ambulance.

"Hello? My father is in trouble! His hands are clutching against his chest! Heellp!"

Sensing my plight, the officer, who answered my distressed call, sent paramedics towards East Coast Park to help me.

The ambulance arrived in the twinkling of an eye. The paramedics carried a stretcher and loaded my father onto the ambulance. I followed too as they made a beeline for the hospital. I began to pray hard that my father would not die.

At the emergency room, my father lay motionless on the bed. He was unconscious and was not aware of what was happening around him.

Fortunately and much to my relief, the doctor told me my father had suffered a heart attack but it was not as serious.

He had been very fit and had been exercising a lot. I heaved a sign of relief at the phrase "not as serious." I was thankful that the doctor had saved my father's life! If not for the doctor, my father would have died.

When my father came to, he was surprised to see me.

"Megan!" he cried.

"Daddy!" I cried, with tears of joy streaming down my cheeks.

He hugged me tightly and I was happy that he was still alive and moving. My dear father was saved.

After that incident, I learnt that I must cherish my life and my precious loved ones, just like my father always loving me and spending all his time with me.

From that day onwards, my father observed a stricter diet on top of his excerise reigme. I exercised with him too. He began eating healthily and had totally stopped drinking his all time favourite coke.

34 comments:

  1. This composition has a good introduction. I have learnt new words from this composition. I could have use the phrase "colours changing constantly as the sun moved towards the horizon" in most of my composition if I have read in books. I should start reading more books.

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  2. This composition has a good introduction with a good ending. I have also learnt some new words and phrases

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  3. This composition is written in detailed.It has many new and good phrases for me to learn.

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  4. I learnt that when you put something in the introduction you must talk about it in the ending.I had also learnt new pharases like out of the blue.

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  5. Ryan Tan Yan TongJuly 9, 2012 at 4:06 PM

    This composition is well written as it has new words and phrases for me to learn and the starting and ending is related in a way.

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  6. i learnt that the starting and the ending must have a connection. i have learned some new words and phrases to put into my compo.

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    1. It is 'Regan".He typed wrongly... i guessed?

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  7. This composition has a good introduction and ending.I learnt lots of new phrases and words.

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  8. i learnt that when you use good phrases in the starting which is the introduction,you must also use it at the end.Ihave learnt new words and phrases and one simily.

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  9. This composition starts with a unique introduction . Usually , we start with ' One afternoon , etc . ' . I have also learned new phrases & which captivates the readers .The writer also uses the 5 senses . Instead of using 'suddenly ' , out of the blue is a better phrase .

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  10. I have learnt that in this composition to express our emotion and the father emotion too.The emotions and the feelings must comes from the heart.The coposition has a really good introduction.It describes and it will readers will understand why here is a track of herat problem.Than the problem will be clearer to the readers.

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  11. This composition had an introduction which will attrack the reader to read more. The story line was smooth. The vocabulary was used perfectly. And the ending was related to the introduction.

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  12. The introduction is a good one and the writer used many good words and phrases which are new to me. I learnt that the composition must have a good story line to make the content higher.

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  13. The compositions ha many good words and phrases

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  14. I learnt that a good compositions starting and ending are always linked together and i also learnt some good words and phrases.

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  15. The introduction and the ending are sort of linked together. None of the parts were out of point but to me, the "out of the blue'part from "Out of the blue, my father stopped, bent over and began to clutch his chest with his hands. I almost knocked him over from behind. I was curious and asked him what the matter was. His face turned pale and he could not answer me. His body was trembling uncontrollably and he was coughing incessantly. He opened his mouth wide and started to gasp for air." is a little awkward.

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  16. The start and the end had link which is very useful to real life compositions (I don't believe she wrote that)

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  17. The start is very captivating and the end links well to the start . I've learnt a few good and new phrases from this composition . The story line is also smooth .

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  18. The introduction and ending of this composition is related.There are quite a number of new words and phrases that are new to me.The way she wrote is very realistic.It is well written piece.

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  19. She use good words and phrase, her introduction and her ending are about the same about the healty eating diet.

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  20. This composition is a well-written one. From this composition, I learn alot of new phrases and words.

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  21. The introduction and the ending links well and this composition will attract more reader to read it. I've learnt many good words and phrases from this composition.

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  22. This compo is interesting. I learn alot of new word and phrases

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  23. The introduction and the ending links together.There are a lot of good phrases used and you can improve on it a little more.I've learnt alot of new words and phrases.

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  24. Both Megan and Regan were equally good as both introduction and end links, both also describe how the man was in pain.

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  25. I learnt some new phrases and words to use in my compo. We must describe the man's reaction before before he collapsed.

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  26. It okay........THough it can be improved.......


    :p

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  27. The composition was okay i guessed and the ggod thing is that i learned alot of new phrase!

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  28. By the way who is jun wei

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  29. I like the introduction and the ending. It links together. The phrases in the compo are beautiful. I learnt many phrases in the compo. I also learnt that you must write the signs before the father collapse.

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  30. It was good from start to bottom. Quite a good compo.i learnt a lot of new phrases to.

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  31. Megan-I like the way Megan writes her composition(starting and ending).Her composition includes lots of good words and phrases.I learnt quite a lot of phrases from her composition and I enjoy reading her composition and it helps me to write better compo.

    Regan-He describes the person clearly and uses good words to describe what happened before he faint.He started the composition and ended it properly.

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  32. I like the way the writer presents her describing and introduction and ending were the same.I was impressed,I mean,VERY IMPRESS on how the writer feels after her father got a heart attack.The writer also made some good description on how her father felt when he got a heart attack before he fainted on the ground.I would learn to use those English that she used in my composition examination in Term 4.Thanks for your composition?I would try to keep up with you.

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